In a recent episode of Sister Wives, the head of the Brown family, Kody Brown, opened up about his relationships while celebrating his birthday in January?especially focusing on the dynamics involving his 18 children.

While Kody acknowledged the bond he shares with his wife Robyn Brown, he expressed that this connection does not extend to the rest of his family, highlighting a significant divide within the household.

?It?s my fifty-fifth birthday today, and I?ve had a fascinating life,? Kody reflected. ?Five years ago, I thought, ?Okay, I?m halfway through. What do I want to achieve for the rest of my life? What legacy do I want to leave???

Kody elaborated, ?Last night, I stayed up late discussing our values with Robyn, particularly reflecting on how I’ve struggled with mine throughout the divorce process and everything that has transpired since.?

Kody admitted feeling that he ?lost his sense of direction in life? and expressed guilt over certain aspects of his decisions, emphasizing the emotional turmoil he experiences due to familial estrangement.

?I?ve been wrestling with this struggle because my grand vision for life has been shattered,? he shared, referencing his separations from ex-wives Janelle Brown, Christine Brown, and Meri Brown. ?However, I find solace and comfort with my wife Robyn, yet I carry a heavy burden of guilt for not being more present with my other children.?

Kody is currently estranged from several of his adult children, a topic that he and Robyn passionately debated during an episode aired on October 6.

When Robyn urged Kody to reconnect with some of his children, he reacted angrily, storming off and refusing to engage in the conversation. He subsequently attributed the rift between him and his children to his past divorces.

?What?s happened in the wake of the divorces is that the ugly finger of blame has emerged. ?Dad, you were never at my house,?? Kody reflected during a confessional segment. ?I?m sorry, I had four wives. I was at your house because the other wife was complaining about my absence.?

Once Kody regained his composure and was able to converse with Robyn, she explained that their older children were ?hurting? and were puzzled about why he had stopped reaching out to them.

?They are intentionally excluding me from their lives to punish me for a crime I didn?t commit,? Kody lamented. ?I?m only guilty of not falling head over heels in love with their mothers.?

Kody?s feelings of guilt regarding his relationships with his children are especially heightened following the tragic death of his son, Garrison, whom he shared with ex-wife Janelle, who passed away in March at the young age of 25 from an apparent gunshot wound to the head.

?Janelle and I discussing reconciliation feels like a futile dream for both of us,? Kody remarked during the episode. ?I mention the idea of reconciling with her because I desire to regain my children?s trust.?

He continued, ?I know that reconciling with her would require a power shift where I concede all authority in our relationship, which I think is fair since I had it for so many years. However, I?m not interested in that. It feels like a disingenuous conversation for both of us because I believe we both?speaking honestly?do not want to be the one responsible for the breakup.?

Elsewhere in the episode, Robyn candidly discussed feeling ?blamed? for Kody?s choices.

?I feel like every time Kody makes a decision that they disagree with, I end up taking the blame,? Robyn shared in a confessional. ?There?s this strange notion that I?ve somehow enchanted Kody and am casting evil spells on him. It?s utterly ridiculous.?

The other wives have expressed their frustrations regarding Kody?s relationship with Robyn, with Janelle alleging that she is regarded as his ?favorite wife.?

?This situation arises every time the kids approach him about Robyn, or when I bring it up. It?s as if he avoids the topic entirely,? Janelle claimed in a confessional. ?She?s his sacred cow. She?s perfect. Don?t even think about discussing her!?

Janelle further mentioned that she struggles to understand how Kody expects to maintain a plural marriage when he holds ?this person that you worship? above everyone else. ?Part of being a husband in a plural marriage is ensuring that everyone feels equally heard and valued,? she stated.

However, both Kody and Robyn dismissed these claims, with Robyn asserting that anyone who knows her husband understands that he is not easily manipulated or controlled.

Sister Wives airs on TLC Sundays at 10:00 p.m. ET.