Content warning: This story contains details of murder.

Asa Ellerup is grappling with the shocking truth that she was married to a serial killer for almost thirty years. 

Just weeks before her ex-husband Rex Heuermann confessed to the brutal murders of eight women during a court appearance on April 8, he privately met with Ellerup and confessed to his crimes. 

Ellerup revealed that she is still trying to comprehend the duality of the “family man” she once knew. In Peacock’s documentary The Gilgo Beach Killer: House of Secrets, she explained that she has been sleeping in what producers labeled the vaulted “kill room” of their Long Island home—where Heuermann brought seven of his victims, three of whom he dismembered.

“The brutal truth is that Rex Heuermann said he dismembered the bodies in this room,” she stated in the April 23 episode. “I’m here because I do feel spiritual. I am trying to say spiritually, in my own way, that I am really sorry for what these victims went through.”

She transformed the space—which originally served as Heuermann’s childhood bedroom—into a functional basement, decorating it with a green Hello Kitty bedspread and shelves filled with plushies and Panda bear stuffed animals. As shown in the docuseries, the walls are decorated with floral paintings and a cross.