Family films are designed to entertain young children while also providing some amusement for the adults accompanying them, ideally with humor that is clever enough to go over the kids’ heads and elicit smiles from the adults. Other family films aim to be so touching that they resonate emotionally with audiences of all ages. Many films attempt this and fail on both counts. Welcome to the 1990s, a decade filled with family movies that missed the mark on every front.
Whether filled with jokes that fail to amuse any audience, like Super Mario Bros., or featuring forced drama or situations so absurd that they make everyone cringe, like North, these films are all complete disasters. And so, behold, the worst family movies of the 90s, for your viewing displeasure.
10
‘Surf Ninjas’ (1993)
Kicking off this loathsome list is the much-maligned Surf Ninjas. Director Neal Israel‘s action-comedy, on paper, doesn’t seem all that terrible. It’s about two brothers, Johnny (Ernie Reyes Jr.) and Adam (Nicolas Cowan), who, you guessed it, are surfer dudes. They discover that they are long-lost heirs to the “Patusan” throne, a fictional ancient Asian kingdom, when a troupe of ninjas attacks them while they catch some waves — and a magical martial artist, Zatch (Ernie Reyes Sr. — apparently, Johnny’s real-life dad), appears and explains their royal lineage.
If the premise alone doesn’t inspire a hearty “Cowabunga!,” then perhaps the inclusion of comedic genius Rob Schneider (here 28, playing a teen, Iggy) may sway even the most discerning film buff to view this masterpiece. Truth be told, this movie does have a bit of a cult following, in the “so-bad-it’s-good” vein, but the fact that it features “magically healing” Sega Game Gear should be all one needs to know.
9
‘Double Dragon’ (1994)
Picture it, Los Angeles, 2007. It’s been re-crowned as “New Angeles,” and it’s overrun by violent gangs and thugs. Once again, fighting brothers, Billy (Scott Wolf) and Jimmy Lee (Mark Dacascos) are the protagonists in this video game adaptation. The brothers are charged with protecting a mystical amulet that has been broken in two. One half resides with the villainous gang boss Koga Shuko (Robert Patrick), and the brothers need to retrieve it before Koga combines the two halves and unleashes even more chaos in dystopian Hell-A.
Director James Yukich does his best to fill Double Dragon with fun action sequences, but the horrendous video effects and cheesy script drag this dreck down to the absolute depths of cinema. A baffling aspect is that the film decided to stray from the plot of the video game (where the brothers tried to rescue Billy’s girlfriend from the evil gang leader), which only seemed to do it a disservice.
8
‘Super Mario Bros.’ (1993)
Image via Buena Vista Pictures Distribution
With the international success of Nintendo’s Super Mario Brothers video game, a feature film was bound to happen. The creators of the film didn’t think that the game’s story had enough substance, so they transported (*cue pipe noise) Mario and Luigi to another dimension (“Dinohattan”). Here, there is not only a sentient fungus but also shape-shifting dinosaurs. Um, ok.
This would have been fine if this new setting was remotely interesting or visually striking. Nope. Just a bunch of chaotic action thrown at the screen, which left children and adults scratching their heads. Directors Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton tried to inject some comedy into the mess that is Super Mario Bros., but mostly failed as the humor felt forced and downright bizarre. While Bob Hoskins does his best as Mario, as does John Leguizamo as Luigi, they are no match for the nonsensical story and awkward pacing. (*cue no-lives-left theme).
7
‘The NeverEnding Story III: Escape from Fantasia’ (1994)
The challenge of completing a successful trilogy is immense, with only a few examples in film history achieving this feat with a winning third installment. Unfortunately,The NeverEnding Story III, is not one of those films. While the first movie became an instant classic for children (not despite its darker themes but because of them), its sequel,The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, diluted its gravity in an attempt to lighten things up. This didn’t work entirely well. The third film…just went completely off track.
The directorPeter MacDonald, unfortunately sealed this franchise’s fate with its worst chapter. The plot centers on Bastian (Jason James Richter, mercifully reprising his role for one last time) as he tries to reclaim a magical book from bullies led by Slip (played by an apparently desperate Jack Black). All intellectual elements from both previous films were stripped away and replaced withsilliness that stretched comedy’s limits beyond reason.. Overall, this film left audiences of all ages wishing for this story to finally END.
6
‘North'(1994)
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